laureen: Mid-section of a half-dressed young woman, hands linked with another young wom, fingers pressed against some jeans. (Default)
[personal profile] laureen
ElJay is loading for me, but not letting me post anything. No comments. No posts. Nothing. So here, have my entry from last night, posted here instead.

So, went for another run tonight. Yes, at one in the morning. It was totally worth it though, even if my hip started giving me problems shortly before I made it halfway through. I persisted, ran through the pain, stretched out a lot afterwards. Now I've had my after-run snack (an hour long run means I need to eat something, even if it's only a piece of toast with peanut butter on it) and cleaned up, and taken some Motrin for my hip in the hopes that tomorrow it will be fine. Still, I'm glad I went. Week two, day one of the Bridge to 10K program. Yay!

I'm. Hmmn. I don't want to say out and out depressed, because I don't think that's it, not really. Although, confession time, I did stare at the knives in the kitchen for longer than necessary before reminding myself I'd rather go for a run than cut.

I think the problem is that I'm feeling... empty. If that makes any sense. No highs, no lows. Not all the time, mind you, because of course Sunday was a good day, but... most of the time. I'm not sure what's brought this on, really. Maybe it's the whole crowded thing, and feeling lost, but. But. I've made an effort not to be in my room all the time. I've made an effort to be sociable, or at least make myself available for socialising. I bought a boardgame and have played with my sister and my parents a couple of times. So lonely may not necessarily be the problem.

I considered sending a script off to a contest, but they don't accept shorts, and while I have the treatment for the feature length one done I don't want to rush the writing just to have it ready by deadline. And as it is I need to pick a piece of creative non-fiction and tighten it by the 1st if I'm really going to submit to the Malahat... (Anyone wanna read random pieces and help me pick which one I could submit?)

Anyway. I dunno. Writing here used to be such catharsis, and right now... it's just not working. Maybe I'm a little too drained from running, or still on that high, or... I just am really feeling too numb to feel much of anything. I do miss playing video games though. =/ I'm tempted to drag my xbox to my room tomorrow and hook it up to my monitor just so I can play some Dragon Age 2. Considering I still haven't finished the game...

Now to try and sleep. Or something.

I'm still feeling pretty low, today. Tonight. Whatever. And those thoughts are still lingering, but I'm good. I can handle this. I did some yoga today, and my hip is actually feeling a lot better. I considered going for a run, though, as a way to not be thinking these things. I could continue to whine, and be all angsty and stuff, but... I dunno. It doesn't feel worth it? I really want to find myself a good fic that will make me just sob, though. I need a good cry. :(


laureen: Mid-section of a half-dressed young woman, hands linked with another young wom, fingers pressed against some jeans. (Default)

July 2011

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